24)If I were to go back in time by Luknė Šeferytė

If I were to go back in time to when 2020 had just started…

Actually, no, I would not really want to do that. I would be losing so much. I can remember the struggle of that time: working nonstop, never-ending tiredness. I was also emotionally stuck in one place: never-ending heartbreak. I struggled to understand why God would let me get that stuck and depressed again. It is not the nicest thing to admit and it hurts my ego a little bit even now, but it made me feel like I am not in control, helpless.

Fast forward few months and we had Covid-19, and the world became a mess. But surprisingly I felt calm and I did not freak out, although people around me were spinning in fear.

The best thing of 2020 was that I finally I started attending the University of Vilnius. I always knew that I wanted to study; I have always craved knowledge and wanted to know everything but I could never have imagined that I would be studying something I could only dream of: law. Although it is stressful and it’s online…I enjoy it so much. I like communicating with my professors, and of course, with my Uni colleagues (Yes, that’s what we call each other). I finally feel like I am doing something with my life. But then I had another issue: Finances. But God also took care of it so I can have an easier year. My friend insisted on me becoming ‘officially unemployed’ to get student unemployment benefits. Amusingly, I did not get those. But now I was officially unemployed, and having worked 9 months full-time previously, I still got benefits for that. I realised then that God never stops taking care of me, and although I struggle keeping the right relationships with Him, He does not let me go.

This year made feel alive again. I understand it is such a cliché thing to say, but I have learned a lot. I got out of my depressive mood that, tied to memories and hurtful words, had been holding me back. I want fight for my own happiness. I want to trust God and renew my relationship with Him, find time to clean out my mind, my heart and move forward and… To let go. 2021 is here, and I will be doing my best.

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Luknė Šeferytė is a writer and a law student in Vilnius, Lithuania. She likes literature, rap music, and gummi worms.