***
Dear Jesus,
Is it better to put
Crap in the bible, or
Put bible verses on crap?
I can't decide, so I tried
Both.
Please let me know
Through my ROI.
Year-end is the
Best!
***
Dear Jesus,
I hope there are enough anxious
People to buy my book. If there aren't
Please scare a few more. THANKS.
***
Dear J,
Since I got
Away with this before I'm just
going to do it again. Glad
You approve!
***
Dear Jesus,
I didn't have enough
Plastic babies
In my house, so
I ordered
A few more.
They all have
Your eyes!
xo
xo
***
Dear Jesus,
I really want
To be generous
This year, so,
God, I need to talk
With you about
Being emotionally
Manipulative
At the table.
God, I need to talk
About turning
People Into projects,
And vice
Versa.
God, I need to talk
About my slim
Leather wallet. That's
Where the problem
Lies.
***
Jesus, don’t stay in
that one. Come up to the
penthouse suite, baby,
we need to toast Q4.
I’ll give you a pour
of my Lagavulin 18
(the undertones are
incredible, it will blow
your dome!) and we
can look down on
the city lights. My
kind of Merry Christmas.
***
Happy Birthday, Jesus!
Please help me
Not to think about
The dirty warehouses
Where all this stuff
Was getting dusty
For like six months
Before I bought
It. I mean, insects
And rodents. Gross.
And plus, someone
Might have gotten
Germs on it or something
(who would work
While they are sick? Like
Why would you even
Do that? It's so disrespectful
To customers!).
If there's, like, some
Sweat on it, please
wipe it off before
He opens it. I just
Want to give
a convenient present
and like, the best
Way was a one-click
Order. So what the wages
Of ease is unrest
Out of sight. Just
Keep it that way
Okay? Anyway,
Happy Birthday!
***
Carl Nellis is a steadfast friend, an excellent writer, and a beardly literary editor based in Beverly, MA. Having finished graduate studies at Boston College, he enjoys tea, music, frisbee, and all things Scottish. His profound and beautiful poems can be found at: http://laughingoverthesea.
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